The Rings of Intimacy....

So after 3 months i am back to my blog to write about something that might help people to understand about relations. Although its not going to be extensive, still i think it may help people to understand better how people are classified in our lives by our mind. Its a sub-conscious procedure. But in some cases, we can do it consciously too. Why i chose to write about this topic is because i made some mistakes in my life regarding how close i had to be to a person. So i wanted to help the people who are having or have faced the same problem as i faced.

The below given is a pictorial representation of how our mind tends to classify people. Its most commonly called as Rings of Intimacy. The farther the ring goes, the more distant are the people in that ring from the particular person.




Let me begin from the farthest ring in the diagram.


1) Strangers : The most common and the highest populated circle in the diagram is the Strangers ring. These are the people whom you usually know nothing about. It can considered as the friends-recruitment area of our mind. They might either stand a chance of going into ur next ring or not. It all depends on the wavelength of thought between the person and the stranger. If they tend to share common interests or common ways of thinking, they would automatically wanna know about each other and then the stranger would slowly move into the next closest ring to a person.

2) Acquaintances : This ring is slightly smaller than the previous one. People from the strangers sections come into this ring. Its here that the strangers and that particular individual come to know about each other more. Here they learn what are their core interests. They know about each others family, backgrounds in life etc. At this stage, the brain subconsciously tries to find out whether it can promote this person to the next level. Scrutinized comparison of tastes and character takes place at this stage. Usually it takes some serious amount of time to move on from this stage to next and its not an easy one too.


3) Close friends : Well, till now it has been a straight forward journey for the person involved. But now, the story takes a whole new turn. Once the person is in the close friends category, then the level of openness between the two people starts to increase dramatically. They slowly start to share their 'not so private' secrets. They start to become more and more comfortable with each other. This state of relation usually continues for a very long period of time. The brain does heavy scrutinizing work before it even thinks about taking the person to the next level. This is also a very important stage for a relationship; because its here that the word 'Trust' is most prominent. Here they build trust on each other. Its actually this level of trust which finally determines whether the person will move into the next level or not.


4) Intimates : You would have observed in the diagram that as you get closer to 'Self', the size of the ring decreases. Its because the brain does extreme filtering between the rings. Its here that the people share everything about each other...especially their private thoughts and secrets. Once a person has got into this ring of another person, we can say that there will be no secret about each other that they wont know about. Their bond will be so close to each other.


As a person progresses from the outermost ring to the inner most ring of another person, many things become stronger and stronger. For example, Trust, mutual understanding, adjusting ability, caring for each other etc etc. Its one of the most beautiful journeys to a person's heart. But of course there are several complications and sub divisions involved. As you can see in the diagram, even inside a particular ring, there is space which is closer to next ring or farther from next ring and also The borders or boundaries of each ring. These are the most important sections which many people dont understand and make really serious mistakes.


The most interesting thing is that Men and women seem to treat these rings in a different way. Women sometimes behave to acquaintances like they behave to their close friends. And this leads the acquaintance to think that he/she has become a close friend of the other. And in their mind, they progress the person to the next level. But unfortunately in the other person's mind, he/she would still be in the 'Acquaintance' circle !!!. And what happens is that the comfort level between two people will start to reduce and tensions will start to appear. This is because the person who misunderstood the signal will start to behave more closely to the other person, making the other person think that 'He/She is crossing the limits'. Which in turn will create problems. Men usually on the other hand are clear cut about their boundaries, but of course there are exceptions.


There are two instances in life where this 'journey' from the outermost ring to the inner most ring does not happen the way as i have mentioned above.

1) Falling in Love : When a man and woman are attracted to each other, whether it is one way or two way attraction, the transition from stranger to intimate takes a shortcut!!!!!!!! . If a person is romantically attracted to other, then the brain will sub-consciously decide to take the person from stranger to the Intimate level in the shortest time possible. In fact, the brain would have already kept aside a place for that person in the Intimate circle. And so, since the place is already booked, the other transitions will only be a formality as far as the mind is concerned. Then the goal of the brain will turn to taking us into the Intimate circle of other person. Our mind will do everything it can to speed up the transition procedure. Things like 'Trying to impress', giving signs of attraction to the other person etc are these processes mainly involved. The urge to get the person into the other person's intimate circle is so strong that, if he/she fails in the process, often a deep depression sets in. But fortunately, most people recover from it. In arranged marriages, the same process happens at an even faster pace with the risk of loosing each other minimized. Its safer in a sense. But the pain of breaking apart in a married couple will be much much stronger compared to an unmarried couple.


2) Parent Hood : Another amazing example is parent hood. In this, the life of a child starts at the Intimate circle of a parent!!. Its actually a reverse process. For a long period of time, say up to teenage, the child remains in the intimate circle of the parents and as the time progresses, the distance increases. Its a very risky and tricky process because the parents should learn to make sure that they dont venture outside the child's 'Close friends' ring. Because if they do, then they will loose control over the child. And its also most important that the parents keep their child in their intimate circle, but at the same time behave to him/her like a close friend or at the most a friend. Parents should be able to place themselves in the 'Intimate' - "Close friend' boundary line of the child as time progresses. This according to me is the best place for a parent to be. That is because at this line, the child will not only respect the parent, but at the same time will also be as open as he/she will be to a close friend. Any farther or any closer, will either make the child un-controllable or un-comfortable respectively; especially once he/she reaches the end of teenage. Its a very very complicated and delicate balancing act. But if mastered, will make it one of the most beautiful relationships in the world.


I have been mentioning about boundary lines between circles in my last two paragraphs. Well, there is a very very sensitive and important boundary line in the diagram that i have shown above. Its the line between 'Self' and 'Intimates'. Its a proven fact that only one person can ever occupy that position. That is your life partner. They are the people who can ever get this close..or at least stand a chance of getting this close. Its the strongest and the most powerful two-way bond in life. Parent hood comes only second to it.


What all i have written in this post is completely from my own experience in life. As far as i knw, its the hardest to push a person from the inner circle to the outer circle. And the level of difficulty becomes more and more as we go deeper and deeper. But sometimes in life, we are forced to take such decisions. So always make sure in life that you always position different people in the right 'Rings' where they should belong.

So let me conclude by hoping that this post from my heart was helpful to all those 'confused' people in relationships, who often get hurt just because they dont know how to correctly place people into 'The Rings of Intimacy'....

Live 'YOUR' Dream...

Well hi guys, i am posting something after 2 months now :). The last 2 months have been really great...so its January 2nd and now its 2010 :D. A new year is here. For the first time in my life, i did something i never did. I used to be awake for my new year eves all these years. But this time, i just switched off the phone and slept peacefully. Weird may be, but i felt like doing it and i did. The whole moment was all to myself and slept thru the new year's eve peacefully like a baby :). I think my mind was going thru all those beautiful things that happened in 2009. I have had some of the most beautiful as well as the most horrible times of my life till date. It was a mixed bag....but when i finally did a Balance sheet, i found that i had more loses in my hand than gains and i think for many its been the same. The world around me changed in many ways... some people whom i thought were close to me... i understood that they never were... it hurt a bit first...but then i realized that its a part of life :). Some people come into your life to make some changes and give you some happiness and then they just leave.... Leaving not even a single trace in your heart...just like that. Its very painful ...but then u get used to it.

Another lesson that i learned past year is to respect other's right to make a choice. You can never force a person to be close to you.. Sometimes you will want them to be close to you....but may be they cant. There is no way you can force them into it... Like God says in the movie 'Bruce almighty'... You can never tamper with free will :). Some decisions will be taken or not, only time can tell. What is impossible for you now, can be possible later and that's they way world goes :). So its nice to go with the flow... :). So i learned last year that keeping deep relations with people can at the end hurt you... so its always better to be at a safe distance. Intimacy in relations; especially if you love someone, should come only when you have a life time bond with that person...i would say if you are in love with a boy or girl, don't show over intimacy until you get married to that person. But let the other person know that you can be intimate once you get married :). Its a very tricky thing...but i think its safe :). For all relations, even if it isn't marriage, this thing applies. And one more thing guys... Do love others...What i said above doesn't mean that you should not love anybody. But just that, the line between an intimate relationship and a good friendship is very thin :). So an Emotionally Intelligent person will know how to balance these two perfectly. Don't expect anything in return when and if you are giving someone love :). Just give it awayyyyyyyy :).


Its today that i saw the movie '3 idiots' by Aamir. Its actually 'Five Point Someone' of Chetan Bhagath + Some aamir khan style and twists :). Its a really nice movie and i think all you people should watch it if you haven't watched till now :). The story tells something that we often forget.... our real talents. I know that there will be millions of people out there (especially in India) who would be engineers by profession and Artists or Photographers or anything of that sort by heart. May be you wanted to become a Writer, but your parents did not allow and rode you off to some entrance coaching class and you screwed up big time in the entrance exam and then you got a seat in management....etc etc. I would say there will be thousands of students out there who are dreaming their 'Parent's dream'... students who don't have a dream of their own. They may succeed in their profession. But the thing is that.... Your mind will be happy that you are settled and rich...but your heart.... It will never know what happiness is, its a fact. Or else why do you see every year, people who earn 50,000 and 70,000 salary resigning their jobs. Its just bcoz their mind and money cant stop their heart :). It craves for satisfaction. Find out what gives you the utmost happiness... and just go for it. May be you will earn low and slow....but definitely my friends, you will succeed :)... You will succeed in such a way that the whole world will just watch you and say 'HOW THE HELL DID HE DO THAT!!??'...Ha ha ha ha :D. Remember, measuring success with money is the worst thing you can ever do. As it is said in the movie '3 idiots'... 'Educate yourself to be Excellent'... and success will follow you :).


So guys...i am wishing you all a Happy, Beautiful and Prosperous 2010 :). Just live and Enjoy your life to the full :)...Satisfy you heart and you mind will get satisfied too :)....

Love & Care..My concept of Parenting

We are all humans and its human to love each other. Even the most grueling of the people like Hitler had a romance. Love is of many types as we all know...no matter what the love, it ends up in care for each other or may be care only to one side. Friendship is one such form of love and it also does involve care.

I have in my experience learnt that love is something that should never be expected of, but given. I know how difficult it is to think like that. But thats how world will move ahead. The whole world i think is now missing it and we need it badly. Nobody has time for each other in life. Its not that difficult to talk to someone when you have time, but its when you find time for someone even when you are damn busy, it will show that you care.

Out of all the love in the world, i believe the most important is the love a child gets from the parents. It has the power to make or break a child. A child when born on earth is pure and has no thoughts in his/her minds. Its his living atmosphere that builds the character in the child. A child born and brought up in a positive atmosphere will always learn think to positive in life. No matter what the problem he faces. What a child requires until he can earn by himself is financial and emotional support of the parents. But once he is ready to be on his own, the parent should let him live on his own terms...bcoz now he is someone who has his own tastes and thinking. Trying to force thoughts into him will turn out to be disastrous. This is the time when the child needs moral support to chase his dreams. He should be like a kite at this time. Every time he tries to climb, we should loosen the thread for him and guide him properly to reach greater heights. And once he has a family of his own, then he should be let free to fly for himself. Its not some one who says "Dont climb, its dangerous!!!" that a child wants, but someone who says "Go ahead buddy, climb, i will catch u if u fall".

Parents always do fear that if the child is let free, then they may get spoiled. But it doesn't happen to all children...did any parent think why??. This bcoz of the way the child is groomed when they are young. Children have the ability to understand whats good and bad, and if properly guided, will not make mistakes no matter what the amount of freedom we give them. Its a delicate balancing feat for the parents...its tough, but not impossible. Upto an age in a child's life, the parents should be the eyes and ears for them. But after certain age, say around 21 or 22, the parents should learn to see and hear the problems through their child's eyes and ears and then 'propose' a solution. In this way the child will not feel that he is being dominated, but will listen to what the parents have to say. There is a saying which says - "Call your son 'Mr.' when he reaches your level". In this way, the children will learn to respect their parents.

Upto a certain age, children listen to their parents bcoz of fear. But after a certain time, they can be controlled only by giving them the love and respect that they need. Children become rebels bcoz, this time of transition is not recognized by the parents. And they should give their wards as much love as possible. Love should never be measured with the money thats being given. Try to get their needs done, if it cannot be done, then make them understand the reason for it without making them feel that they are being denied the need. A good amount of problems will be resolved if the children are being handled in this way.


I have lots more to learn in life and I sincerely hope that if i become a parent one day, then i will be able to put these things to practice. I knw...its easy to say, but not that easy to do...But remember, "It could be difficult, but its not impossible".

Its me for you...

Hello all,

I am sreekanth here :). Today i have decided to write a blog on myself and what i feel about life as such. You are always welcome to share your comments on my posts :). I am an open minded guy.

Well, let me start off by saying about myself for u. I am a guy with dreams. I dream a lot and sometimes i don't dream at all. I would like to be really rich...really damn rich. And i will do any legal thing to get there. I am a great fan of business. But there are lots of hardships in getting that to success. It isn't easy at all. But u knw...sometimes in life...u have to take risks...or else what life man? :). I am a guy who thinks that you have to act 20 when u are 20 and 40 when u are 40. But unfortunately...it seems that i am not that type and that's the funniest part :D. I usually think and handle things like a guy who is 5 or 6 years older than me. The good part of this is that i will handle things more matured way...but the bad part is sometimes you get frustrated when people don't listen to you bcoz u are talking what u are not supposed to talk for your age. This sometimes even ends up in fights between elders and me :D.

I respect people by what they are to me. I seriously wont care much if that person is rude to someone else. Thats his problem not mine :D. And this attitude has helped me to make friends with people very easily and this has also helped me a lot in not saying gossips about people. I hate people who say gossips!. Its my policy in life to live and let live. If someone has a problem then its their problem until and unless they ask me to help them. May be bcoz of this i am also able to maintain healthy relation with people ;). But u knw obviously, you cannot satisfy all the people all the time :). But i think i have no enemies :D.

Now lemme say something about my friends :). Hmmm.. my friends circle is very small to be frank :). I have say may be 10 or 11 friends who are close to me :). Close means who i really care for :). For whom i would do anything in my powers to keep them happy :). Very rarely does someone come into that close circle. And when i meet the person i knw whether he will reach there or not. I always preffer to keep friendship with people who are in my wave length of thought. If at anytime i feel that they no longer belong there, then they will be out for sure. So that's about my friends.

And yes...forgot something very very important :). I am a really really romantic guy ;). Very very romantic :). If you ask me whether i have been in love, well i will say 'yes i have' :). After all who hasn't? at least in their dreams? :). So i have also been in love :). I have had infatuations too, but true love; only once...just once and i enjoyed every moment of it, until one day i had to drop it...ya...like may be everyone else, i also dropped it :D. Excuses for dropping it are well, are not mine. And i wont say its her fault too :). We both just chose which was best for both of us.. :). But she will always have a position in my heart that no one else can take :). So my instruction to all those who wanna fall in love, don't go for it until you are say 26 or 27 when it comes to boys and 22 or 23 for girls :D...bcoz if u are really in love, then don't wait, just go ahead and get him/her :).

Well, now thats a taste of the real me for u :). If u wanna know more, just keep following my posts and you will know in time.... :).